Today was one of the worst days I've had in a while.

Not because of anything that really happened...but just because of my mental state. I could not pull it together today. I broke into tears talking things out with my roommate.

The thing that took me out of myself for a few hours this afternoon was the free public weekend at the LACMA's new Contemporary Art building BCAM (Broad Contemporary Art Museum). It was amazing. I really wanted to take pictures of everything, but of course they don't let you do that.

When you walk into the gallery on the third floor, the first thing you see is this LARGE statue of a blue, mirrored, balloon dog. It made me laugh.
Thank you Jeff Koons.

Seeing some original Andy Warhol and Roy Lichenstein was incredible. For some reason, I didn't expect to be able to as blown away by seeing the iconic pop art I'd seen in magazines or textbooks. Did you know there are pencil marks on Lichenstein's paintings? There are little pencil outlines where he meant to put the clouds, or where a tear should be. That blew me away, to see how they start.

I will post photos up here of some of the outdoor sculptures.

I opened a NetFlix account tonight.

Last night, I yelled affirmations at myself for an hour.

I don't even know what to write here...I've been thinking I should write something.

This past week-ish, it's been mostly cloudy here. Which is odd for Los Angeles, normally, it's bright, sunny, cheerful. Like anyone would imagine Los Angeles, well that's how it normally is.

The first night it was almost raining, I twirled and stretched my arms out. My tongue, up and open to the damp air.

It's kind of refreshing for the weather to reflect my insides. It's not quite sunny, but not quite raining either. A weird mix of in between.

That's probably why I've gone to see a few movies on my own recently. I really need to get myself a chick-flick movie partner, otherwise this might turn into an unhealthy obsession with accumulating AMC movie rewards points. Two more and I get a free small drink!

I think I might start at movie point rating system...Reward Points!

-Becoming Jane: Has begun a new love of James McAvoy. Seriously, ladies...go. see. this. movie. Just because of him. Oh yeah, Anne Hathaway's in it too.
9 out of 10 reward points (7 for James McAvoy + 2 for the chemistry between James & Anne)

-Feast of Love: A decent movie about love at different stages in relationships. Morgan Freeman, still amazing and worthy of a vote for US President, still. Greg Kinnear also, totally sweet and naive as the "nice guy". Don't take your parents to this one...there's nudity...lots of it actually...it comes at you from all angles. A little too much for my liking, but it can be appreciated in a European kind of way.
6 out of 10 reward points

-The Jane Austen Book Club: A chick flick about the original chick flicks, Jane Austen's books. This one takes on themes that originate from Austen's books, putting new modern spins on all of them. Emily Blunt is fantastically French in this movie. A great sister/mother/daughter relationship movie all generations will enjoy. It's The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants for adults. Almost.
6 out of 10 reward points

So here I am,
back on this blog. With probably a good month, month and a half between this and my last entry (I'll call them entries).

Things have been busy, working on something like 2 different shows at work. Seeing one of them off to travel and shoot, the other to complete and shoot with me as the one and only Key PA. That was a little scary, but nothing I couldn't handle.

I feel really blessed. Mainly because I feel as if I'm in a really great place in my life. I've got 3 of the best roommates anyone could as for, and we get along like gravy. I just got a new job that I started the day after I interviewed, which was a whirlwind that's come down to me just being bored on my first "real" day. I say that because my actual first day was basically just shadowing the current--scratch that--old assistant, and filling out paperwork.

Today, as my first official day on my own (without Jonathan), I've managed to confirm at least one meeting, still waiting on the next one. And I've updated the calendar with some travel-date information.

While I sit and think about life, love and my own happiness a little tooooo much, I'll leave my lone reader (maybe Courtney, or Tina) with a few articles I'm reading to pass the time.

• Collegespeak: Apparently someone lame came up with adorkable...and it wasn't me.
• Best Week Ever tackles last weeks Office episode
• 
  

There are a number of things I've been meaning to blog about here....

• Transformers - Shia Leboeuf, strong female characters, and Optimus Prime
• Hairspray - John Travolta, Zac Efron
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - meh...I saw it in IMAX...with 3d glasses
• Drew Carey/Price is Right - wrong, wrong
• My new Job!
• Victoria Beckham: Coming to America
• America's Next Producer

Oh...annnnd I want to completely change the look of this blog. I think it could be more fantastic than it already is.

I graduated from College last weekend.

And while I'm proud of what I've accomplished, I can't help but be humbled by how so many people have helped get me where I am today.

It takes a village to raise a child and I am indebted to all of them for giving little pieces of themselves. Little seeds that have grown into the larger whole of my person.

People like my High School AP History teacher who made me work hard for that A. My AP English and Literature teachers whom I loved and taught me how to search for a deeper meaning in everything.

My Broadcast and Band Directors in High School who never let me settle for second best.

The College professors that opened my mind to whole new disciplines of study, like Anthropology, Theatre, Acting, Sociology, Writing, Music and others.

Professors for my minor course of study, especially Anne Applin, who encouraged me as a female in the field.

Professors in my major course of study that showed me I did have a passion for it, like Sue, T-Nick, Nonas, Meghan, and Johanns.

My extended Aunts and Uncles and cousins who always lent support, and let me make a few videos of them.

My friends who have given me pieces of them as they have come and gone, in and out of my life. Those really awesome great friends who have done nothing but been positive forces in my life.

My less-than-extended family, like Aunt Karen, Oma, Opa, Grandma, Grandpa who had major impacts on my life and I couldn't tell you how much ya'll have meant to me.

How could I forget my Parents? My siblings? I feed off of these people. It has been really humbling for me, to see exactly how they all are responding to helping me achieve my goals.

It's not an easy thing, you know, to move out to a new city, to the complete opposite coast/ocean from 95% of your family. But I am thankful that they are all so supportive and I feel like I might be ready to take this leap.

I think this village has done well by me. I think I could be ready to let the real world take me on.

So thank you.
Need to raise a child? Need me as part of your village? I'll be there in a heartbeat.

I'm going to break this stuff up into two separate entries.

But...

You've got to watch this first.



And then read this...
Ithacan Blog About it

Ok...now I can talk about it.

There are two reasons this whole thing offends me.

1. The news coverage attached to it. Dear Fox 61...you are channel 61 for goodness sake...why do you have a newscast at all?! No one does news coverage past channel 21! Even if you have American Idol...you've lost the ratings war. You are NEVER going to be the number one station in your market. No one can find you between Spike and HGTV.

But that's not all. They have to go and suck at their jobs. Have these people never seen the news before? They could really learn something. Here are my lessons for you Fox 61 and Eric Zager...pay attention.

1. Headroom -- that means, when interviewing someone...leave an inch or two above their head on the screen.

2. Reading Quotes -- actually read what's on the screen why don't you?! "Benefits" does NOT equal "Beautifies"

3. Lady Walking down the hall --Where the hell is she supposed to be? Did you shoot this package in a prison? Why are all the walls white everywhere? Wow....she turned a corner, I'm going to go to her when I'm sexually assaulted. C'mon. Show her at a computer, show her consulting someone or sorting her brochures.

4. Interview Over-the-Reporter's Shoulder shot-- what the hell? Mr. Reporter, excuse me... Mr. Eric Zager...your tripod is too low. There are a few things wrong with this shot. Namely, you are too big in it, your tripod is set too low. Two, the editor is too small in the frame, it belittles him. Granted...he should be belittled, but it's not your place to put visual judgement on him.

5. Another things about this interview...get him to take out his gum. He's smacking it too much.

6. And lastly...cut out the "ummmmmm....uhhhhhs" geez whiz

Special.

Now the 2nd reason this offends me.

Dear Mr. John Petroski and Mr. Mark Rowan...you disgust me.
Have you ever seen Law and Order: Special Victim's Unit? Have you ever known anyone who was raped? Do you have any idea about what that means? Have you noticed that in parts of the world there are people, currently...as I write this, that are using Rape as a weapon of war and fear??

I feel that if you understood these things you wouldn't have chosen such a topic to be "satirical" about. And your piece, I read it, it wasn't all that satirical.

Not that I'm an expert, but I looked up what it's supposed to be...

satire |ˈsaˌtīr| noun
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. See note at wit .
• a play, novel, film, or other work that uses satire : a stinging satire on American politics.
• a genre of literature characterized by the use of satire.
• (in Latin literature) a literary miscellany, esp. a poem ridiculing prevalent vices or follies.

The thing is...for some people in this world I think what you wrote was a true opinion. For some twisted, sick people in this world, that's ok. That's not a necessarily ridiculous thought or really even an exaggeration of anything, that's how some people think. They think that rape is ok. It's ok, this girl's ugly anyways.

That is where your piece lacks serious consideration on your part, as a writer and as an editor.

I think the thing that makes satire, satire, is the absolute ridiculousness of it. Your thoughts on that page, really, aren't that ridiculous. Period. Likening yourself to Jonathan Swift is absolute ludacris (not the rapper, the adjective). The difference between you and Swift is that Swift's "Modest Proposal" to the Irish was completely ironic. No one in their right minds, as far as I know, was actually eating their own babies or selling them as stew. Whereas, rape happens, the attitude you portrayed in your article I know all too well as a female college student. As the news story from Fox 61 (God Help them) stated 1 in 5 college females are raped in their college career. While I may not be one of them, I know a great deal more than 5 other women.

That is where your article cuts deep.

If anything, you only made fun of women who are raped and further objectified and cut further into psychological and emotional wounds that may never fully heal. Post-tramatic Stress Disorder is on the rise in this country, not only because of soldiers coming back from war, but because of hatred, sex crimes, and horrific events I can't even begin to describe. You'd do well to not add to the misery this world can bring.

I suggest that you, yourself, Mr. Petroski, visit a therapist and talk to them about your own issues on this subject. Or visit a support group for those that have been raped, and see for yourself.

So, I'm back-ish.

I've got my computer back and I couldn't be much happier. Well, that's a lie, but having it back completes my life for the moment. Fills in that large gap I seem to have that is only filled by electronics and computing power and gigabytes of space.

I'm fantastic like that.

If I seem like I'm rambling, it's because I am. I just realized that I've spent more time already today in the radio studio than in my bed last night.

But now, I've got someone shadowing me so he's operating the board, all I have have to do is talk. That's nice.

---

Ok...but you really need to watch this. Especially...you, courtney. Watch it now.

What I watched tonight

SuperTroopers

The Office

Scrubs Re-runs

Scrubs Primetime

30 Rock

I Love NY

---

So it's my friend's birthday today, and I am a horrible person and I started getting jealous of all the Happy Birthdays he had on his facebook wall. And then...I went and counted the ones that I had had on my birthday, and I damn well near came close. Look at that.

I thought I was this horrible person, but maybe not so much. Kick youself out of it, girl. Kick, kick. Done. Out...no more negativity. This will be a positive final semester of fun.

the end.

You are a true Texan if: I will bold the ones that I relate to

1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Burnet, Boerne, Nacogdoches, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.

2. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

3. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

6. You have seen people wear overalls at funerals.

7. You measure distance in minutes.

8. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. (maybe not a wedding date, but other things, yes)

13. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store. (not anymore)

15. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.

16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol; a Ford F350 4x4 is. (or a Mustang)

17. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressin'. (of course it does)

18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

19. You actually understand this and you are "fixin' to" send it to your friends.

20. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this
conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper"

(that conversation happens more often than you'd think)

What I watched tonight

No Direction Home: Bob Dylan Documentary...well, we fast forwarded through the middle of it. Research for Video Workshop.

American Idol...the last 15 minutes or so. I probably only saw the people they were hyping up for the first 45 minutes of the show.

Boston Legal...always hilarious, and for some reason, I love Craig Bierko. I don't understand exactly why...but he's awesome.

Campus Ladies...meh...i wasn't as amused as I thought i would be. Maybe it was just too hyped by Court. Maybe I didn't see the right episode. I did see Rob Riddle(?) though. He's good.

Fashion Police: Golden Globes. Even though I didn't actually watch the Golden Globes, it's good to catch up for the Fashionista in me.

---

I knit a lot tonight. I finished one of Courtney's socks though...and I kind of love it. I love the color work I've done. I'm just proud of it. I think I've come a long way from the crazy-ridiculous sweater I made for Amanda forever and a day ago. For now, I like the more instant gratification something small like socks (although there are two to make which can be troublesome), scarves, headbands and hats.

It's kind of special...me and my knitting. I'm realizing that I haven't really learned how to practice at anything. I want to learn so many things, but I have little to no drive to actually practice them. I want to learn how to play guitar better, but I don't push myself to practice. I want to sing better, but I don't practice. I'm not studying any of those things. But maybe it's a good thing, because what I am practicing right now is how to be a student. I am good at that, as my grades from the past semester show. I can handle that responsibility.

I'm hoping that I can learn to practice more. I need to not focus on the instant gratification anymore. I'm taking more interest in knitting gauges. For you non-knitters, gauges help you determine sizing, finding out how many stitches you knit per inch is important in deciding how many stitches you need to make a whole hat that will fit a 24 inch head, or to fit around a sweater or something like that. It's very important for sweaters and other tops. I just need to do a little better at the practicing part, outside of knitting or school.

I really want to learn guitar, but I'm not going to get any better if I continue to only pick it up once every 3 months. I should ask Rebecca about her practicing strategies. She's a piano major, she's got lots and lots of practicing to do, maybe she can help a little. I think I just don't know how to approach it all. Hopefully, she can help me come up with a plan.

We'll see.

What I watched tonight

The Class

The Last 1/2 hour of "I Love NY"

This past week's "The Soup" episode

almost watched the Golden Globes

---

I love how the past 2 days I've had 3 amazing conversations with amazing people, with completely different themes, each time.

1. Melbor and Religion/Politics/General Belief Systems...we had a 5.5 hour road trip and an iPod full of disney songs...religion is the natural topic of choice.

2. Gogal, about Friends...a hot tub, comfy couch, and PJ pants...natural conversation choice.

3. RC and Love, Relationships and Men...Golden Globes, books, and an empty apartment.

Good people, good conversation.

Now I've got some good books to read, I think I'll get ready for bed and try one of them out.

What I watched tonight

nothing...haven't watched TV today...

---

I am just bad at being aloof and mysterious. I should just give up now...I can't do it.

Bedtime.

Remember when I used to use the word Figilicious....that was special. It kind of looks like refridgerator, but different. Ok...it's 3am and I should really be sleeping. Tomorrow's yet another day, for watching EVERYTHING on the DVR. ;)

Lots of catching up to do.

Broke in Gogal's hot tub tonight. It's pretty much pimp. I'm jealous. Love that guy.

sleeeeeeep

I'm blogging to you this evening from the Hostelling International New York Hostel on Amsterdam Avenue. YAY!

It's pretty exciting. The girl on my right has an Australian accent and the boy to my left has a british one. I'm pretty sure that the girl on the bunk above me is from the UK. Sweetnesss...maybe I can make some new friends. That'd be nice.

Today I took the Commuter Train into Boston and then walked right onto the Fung Wah bus. It's good timing, is all. I waltzed right past a lot of forlorn looking people in the line for the Greyhound bus to NYC right to the eager arms of the Fung Wah girls already ready with change for my $20 bill. It's pretty fantastic like that.

Once I got on the bus and was being driven on the Manhattan Bridge into Manhattan itself, I realized...oh no...where am I going? I whipped out my subway maps and found out that there is more than one way to skin a cat...but I think I found the right way. It just took me a few trains to get uptown to my hostel and welcoming bed.

I had just enough time to get settled and stuff my suitcase into my locker before I headed back downtown to Midtown Manhattan. I was on a mission, to find a certain Diane...from Jersey. So off I went, searching, searching for that elusive subway station that should have been down this block, but was infact down that one. I found the uptown side of the station...no...I want to go downtown. hmmm. I circled the block to find nothing but street. Maybe this is the only side of the station? Meh, whatever, I've got time. So I took the train up to the next station and then made the cross to the downtown train. Funny.

That wasn't enough though. Diane and I had a nice stroll down 5th Avenue and to Tiffany's (which was far too busy to actually consider buying something), into the new Apple Store by the FAO Schwartz. Circling back to her office, we stopped at Starbucks where I paid $.65 for a Grande Latte and a Parfait (everybody loves parfait)...thanks for the giftcard Mom and Dad...err...Santa! Up to the office we went to say hello to Diane's Dad and I hung out for probably another hour or so, just chillin' and eating my parfait, drinking my Latte...just enough to get hyper again. oh geez...When I had first arrived Diane had been the enthusiastic and bubbly one, when I left I was the one that was bubbly...she was just plain tired after working all day.

Once I left I headed towards Rockefeller Center. YAY for skating in the winter and the big Christmas Tree was still up. It was fantastic, absolutely awesome. I took photos...sweet. Then I was headed in the general direction for scoping out where I need to be first thing in the morning tomorrow, but I got distracted and ended up in St. Patricks Cathedral first. Said a prayer, a decade of the rosary and lit a candle in memory of Erich. Then it was off to H&M...which would probably be my favorite store, except that I don't have ready access to one in Ithaca. Boo. Anywho...

That's when I started to circle. I would go down 6th Avenue and think I was going down 53rd or vice versa. I just kept going in circles and getting sidetracked, not remembering exactly where I had been coming from.

It was confusing. But I made it back alright. Fantastic. Now I'm going to crash and probably just sleep the night away, or knit. One of the two.

More on this adventure later! Next time I decided to pay for internet service.

Steeley was so right about 2006.

I hope 2007 is 200 times bigger and better.

It wasn't a bad year...ok, yes, yes it was.
Not my favorite.
I did get Beyond Ramen out of it!
And a host of new friends and a newfound committment to radio.

But really, the other things that came from it weren't all that great. A lot of relationships deteriorated and even more completely fell apart.

That should be my new resolution, getting back on my feet and meeting new people. Taking life by the horns and telling it, no, I'm in charge here. I'm going to fix this mess and make it better, that's just how it's going to be.

What I said in January of 2005

"*aside* If this is freaking me out now...I can't imagine what I'll be like at 40 and older...yuck. *back to the last train of thought*
HOLY COW!!! I'm not supposed to age...I'm young and vibrant. YAY! ha "

What Aunt Barbara Said:

 
NOTE FROM AGED AUNT: What is it like to be 40 and older? Absolutely freaking great! Its a cruel fallacy that vibrancy (or great sex, or flirting, or reasonable financial independance, or the wonderful sense of power that comes from using the kind of talent and intelligence that is only your own) is only for the young. Being forty and older means you've got lots of life experience that you can rely on; you REALLY have experienced the unexpected twists of fate and the silver lining in the dark cloud, and you know that if you're lucky (no illness, car crashes or tsunami's), you'll get to experience more of the same. For sure you already know love, and the death and rebirth of love, and again if you're lucky, they'll be more of that to come. When I look back at twenty: that was not so much hard as vaguely anxiety ridden. Most 40 and plus year olds laugh at the idea of being twenty. Having the body and energy of your twenty year old self maybe, but you'd never want to give up the experience of what that 40-year-plus knows in exchange!
So Margaret, don't fear aging, embrace it! You don't get older, you just get better!
 
love ya, Aunt Barbara

And then I said...

Thank you Aunt Barbara...you help to keep things in perspective. And I think you're right. I don't think the idea of aging scares me as much as actually reaching the next age. Because at this point in my life reaching that next number brings a whole new set of responsibilities. At some point I'll have to take supreme responsibility for myself. I'll have to be the one to have a job, pay the bills, and take care of my own basic needs, which have been taken care of by someone else.

I don't think I meant so much "yuck" as wonder and excitement. Looking at the past year, or even the past 2 years, I could never imagine that I would be where I am today, doing the things I am doing today. I'm wondering exactly what life/God has in store for me in the future. And that, I think, is the scary part.

Trusting that whatever happens, will happen. Que cera, cera!

And the next year could send me to Africa, or keep me under house arrest, or something else I couldn't even dream of.

So much can change in such a short amount of time that it's funny, weird, scary even, to think of what could happen in the next 20 years!

-Maggie

And now (December 2006)...
I say, yeah...ok so I'm getting older; sometimes that is a bit scary. But I think its because I never saw myself as 21, 22, or older. I always saw my aunts or uncles or teachers or older adults as being those ages, but not me. Didn't think it could happen. Sure enough, it happens, and has, I'm 21!

I must say, I already look back at myself a year ago, two years ago and wonder at where I've come from and how far I've gone.

I think Aunt Barbara was right, and I'm not just saying that because I talked to her briefly on the phone today and she mentioned this exchange with nostalgia. She also wondered why we weren't coming up for Christmas again this year, especially when Tina and I had such a fantastic time with her last year.

Ok, yeah...so Aunt Barbara was right. I totally see the fun in growing up. So far, so good. There's so much more I've got to do with my time over the next 20 years. So ready life, here I come!